The negative side of affirmations

 

Affirmations aren’t always what they seem…

We’ve been told, for many, many years, that you can bring things into your existence – into your life, by simply focusing on it and stating that it’s already here.

Repeat positive words, phrases, sentences aka: affirmations, and eventually it’ll show up in your life or become a part of you.

Now I do agree with that but only in part.

I believe there should be a disclaimer at the bottom of every affirmation advising you that the negative voice in the back of your mind saying: “Never going to happen!”, should actually be given the most attention first.

 

People who swear by positivity

I want to point out that for some people, affirmations can and do work. Quickly.

Heavens – they actually do work for me, now, finally, after all these years. BUT it took me a very long time to get here, and, I’m sorry to say, a fair bit of work.

Let me explain….

The idea behind affirmations is about focusing on the positive, right?

It’s supposed to be how the law of attraction works.

Focus on how abundant you are, how healthy, slim and vibrant you are, how much you are in love with your new partner, how successful you are in your job – and with enough focus and positive intention, it will simply fall into your life.

Now it CAN be, relatively, that simple, but a lot of people won’t tell you how to deal with the voice in the back of you mind saying to you that it’s all just bollocks and it’ll never happen for me.

 

 

Listen to the negative voice

If you want your affirmations to work, you have to really listen to the negative voice first.

That sounds completely counterintuitive but it’s the only way to get the positivity moving.

Because you see, the negative voice – the part of you saying “nope! In your dreams!…”, is actually a deep-seated belief.

When you have deep core beliefs about yourself, THAT is the energy that you’re actually putting out into the world and what is being attracted to you.

If you can’t feel IN THE CORE OF YOUR BEING that your affirmations are true, then no amount of chanting it and repeating it will help.

You have to hit the negative voice head on, first.

Rather un-eloquently (as I can sometimes be), I liken the use of affirmations to putting a flower into a dog poop. You want the flower to make it look pretty and smell nice but at the end of the day – its still a dog poop.

You have to, HAVE TO, clean away the mess first.

 

How do you deal with the negative voice?

I want to point out that I don’t mean to be so literal when I say: ‘the negative voice’.

You might not hear an actual voice scoffing at your affirmations. You might, instead, have a sinking feeling or a sense of dread, maybe even just a feeling of defeat or ‘why bother?’ attitude.

All of those are the same thing.

They all represent a negative belief about yourself or the situation, but all of them, no matter how they show themselves to you, are where you need to start in order to bring in the positivity you’re looking for.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), was how I began working with the negative voices that were putting down my good vibes (affirmations).

If you haven’t done it before, here is a link on how to use Emotional Freedom Technique for healing 

But before you even start, the first thing you’ll have to do is figure out exactly what the negative voice is telling you.

And that is actually easier than you might think…

 

Affirmations (and their negative counterparts) in action:

I’m going to give you a personal example here as there is a good chance you can relate, or at the very least, understand the premise and then move forward with your own releasing of your beliefs.

I’m going to start with money/abundance/finances, because most of us understand this ‘fight’ (for use of a better word).

When I started using affirmations: “I am wealthy, abundant and money is speeding its way to me right now”, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can only describe as hopelessness. It was a feeling of defeat.

I couldn’t tell you how many times a day I said that affirmation or for how many months and nothing changed.

I wrote myself cheques and looked at pictures of money to try and excite my senses by seeing all those 0’s, but still nothing.

In actual fact, I became more and more defeated BECAUSE it was just taking way too long and it felt fruitless. There weren’t even small glimmers of wealth and abundance! Not so much as a 10p on the ground as a gift from the Universe! (I’m using pence here as I was living in the UK when I started doing this work).

Eventually, however, I came across EFT and all my studies and training began. It was then I realized the power of the negative voice.

So, I sat down one day and I started tapping, first of all, on my frustration that these bloody affirmations weren’t working. Because as far as I was concerned, I was doing everything right.

I went through an entire spectrum of emotions whilst tapping on the fact that money was, indeed, not speeding its way to me at all.

• Was I being punished?
• Am I not worthy of wealth?
• Was my life all about struggle?

A plethora of negative things popped into my head and I just kept tapping on it.

 

The ‘ah-ha!’ moment

Out of the blue – almost like a smack in the face. A memory popped into my head.

It was a memory of me asking my mum to buy me a new razor (waxing wasn’t a big thing back then…) because mine was blunt.

Her instant reaction was, as it always was: “No, we can’t afford it”.

Now I know this is an incredibly common thing to hear for a lot of people. So just a small side note that this voice/feeling might be on repeat in the back of your mind – perhaps without you even knowing it. It’s a great saboteur and so I advise you get on it and deal with it ASAP.

As I ran through the memory (still tapping/using EFT to help release it), I came across many other memories and found links that ALL had the word “No” in them. Some of them weren’t even money related.

It was, as I discovered and dug into my past memories, an instant reaction of both my mum and my dad.

Ask for anything, ANYTHING, and without even skipping a beat it was an instant: “No”. There wasn’t even any thought involved!

And so in that moment I discovered that I had a belief and an inner voice, that was formed in childhood and had been compounded over decades, that simply said “No”.

And I was wondering why my affirmations weren’t working… (she says sarcastically).

My life was all about the ‘No’.

(A version of this story was published by LivingNow magazine with a bit more depth in it and where it all started, which you can read here.)

 

 

Listen, dig, and then listen and dig some more

As you can see from just that story alone, it all came down to me having to listen and pay attention to the underlying voice of my affirmations.

And you can do exactly the same thing, and there is even more than one way to go about it.

You could start using affirmations – calling things into your life that you’d like to see and have, and pay attention to the negative voice

or feeling/sense.

But another way is to make a list of all the key elements of life:

• Health
• Wealth/Money
• Vocation/Job
• Family/Friends
• Partner/Love
• Emotional Health
• Spirituality
• Personal Development

And for each one of these, write down your beliefs about them. Both good and bad. Simply start  your sentence with “I believe” and write down whatever comes to you. Don’t filter a thing!

You can then check for patterns that form throughout your list but you can also simply just tap your way through the negative beliefs you have about them. The incredible thing about EFT is that you usually don’t have to do every single belief. Attack a few of the major ones or patterns, and the smaller ones will simply disappear on their own.

Now, you may find there is a memory or event that is linked to the negative belief and in many cases (if not all), you’ll find many of them are from your childhood AND are probably not even yours. They have been passed down from generation to generation.

As a side note, if you feel it serves you and you’re happy to keep it – “negative” or not, that is your prerogative. But just be aware that it might be holding you back from you pulling into your life what you’d really like to have or achieve.

 

What happens after clearing the negative voices?

I’m pleased to report, that once you start facing and releasing the negative beliefs, things have a way becoming… less cluttered…?

I wish I could give you a word to describe how it feels to be less burdened and troubled with a head full of “why won’t this work! Why is this SO hard!”. But it’s actually very hard to describe.

I used to say it’s like dropping an emotional dress size. There is a lightness that happens within your body, mind and even your spirit.

You feel calm yet incredibly aware of what is going on inside of you. You develop a stronger connection with yourself.

Once you’re clear of all the clutter you’ll find that your intentions and affirmations start to work. You’ll feel it. There will be no doubt. Because there is suddenly nothing in the way of the energy flow.

And once that happens, you’ll then understand and finally get it when people say “give it to the Universe and then let it go”. In other words, ask the Universe for what you want, once, and then simply trust that it’s coming.

If you can’t do that then there is more work to do on the negative voice. If you can, then you are in what many people call the flow of the Universe.

 

Your affirmations WILL work, but only as long as you’re paying attention.

 

Need help pulling some positivity into your life?

I’d love to connect and help you rid yourself of the negative thoughts holding you back.

There is a way!  🙂

You can contact me here.