Posted on 04/04/202004/04/2020 by Marie Spencer-Rowland

You can’t heal yourself with hate

You can’t hate yourself back to health

Hating yourself doesn’t work

I know from my own personal experience as well as with clients I work with, that when you hate something or someone – it doesn’t accomplish anything.

That becomes even more obvious when you’re trying to heal deep emotional wounds.

Be it with physical, emotional or mental issues – you CANNOT hate yourself back into health and wellbeing.

I hate feeling out of control

I completely get that. There is nothing more frustrating than having the rug pulled out from underneath you when it comes to your body or your mind – or both!

Everything is going fine and on track one minute but the next it feels like you are falling apart.

We just want to go back to feeling normal again. Useful, strong, in control.

And we might even fight it at first. Push ourselves harder because we don’t want to be seen or feel like we are weak. We don’t want to think we’re being judged by others as not being able to cut it.

So we push on, loading up on medication if we can, to get through.

Right in that moment – we literally hate ourselves for being human. We hate ourselves for being weak and not able to cope.

We’re suddenly not good enough.

We start sending silent messages to our body: “how dare you let me down!”, “how could you do this to me?”, “why now?”.

“I hate you for doing this to me”.

Push, push, push harder.

When things are spiralling out of control – push through it.

It’s the only way we seem to know how to deal with it all.

Negativity weakens your body.

Studies have consistently shown that negative emotions such as shame, which is the most damaging, followed by guilt, grief, fear, anxiety, craving, anger and hate, actually weaken your body. And what is worse, is that the chemical reaction that it causes within your body stays there for hours afterwards.

Your negative reactions, even if they feel brief to you, actually continue to cause harm within the body.

This link breaks it down a little bit more about how thoughts and emotions affect your health. Click here

What if we simply stopped?

Could the issues you are experiencing be trying to tell you something?

What if they are actually a blessing?

(did you want to stop reading when you read that last line?) 😊

That’s ok.

How could you possibly find a blessing in the fact that you’re in pain or that your body seems to be fighting itself? Fighting against you?

I’ve had many of those moments too. Moments where I was desperate and had to turn to medication in order to help calm myself down so I could sleep or breathe normally.

But once I came out the other side of it, I realised something.

In every single instance of my health failing and my body giving up – I realised that not only was I was ignoring all the signs and pushing my way through it all, but I was also hating myself for my weakness and the place that I was in.

My ‘blessing’ was this moment of clarity where I realised my body knew a lot more than I’d realised.

My body was desperately trying to tell me something and I was ignoring it.

It was telling me the truth.

See issues as a blessing – not a curse.

If you are experiencing pain, any sort of pain, in this moment right now, it’s important that you stop and listen.

Your pain is coming up and showing itself to you because it wants you to heal from it. It wants you to reconnect with yourself so you can know and understand yourself on a deeper, more intimate level.

You are being invited to dive into the core reason of this pain so you can let go of it.

Your body, your pain, no longer wants you to suffer.

When you are in pain, the reason it is a blessing, is because it has an ability to show you, directly, what you are holding onto.

You can hate it all you want. You can despise what you feel it is doing to you – but that will just add to the emotional and physical pain you are already in.

But when you tune into it. When you talk to that part of yourself and thank it for showing you that something isn’t right, you instantly start the healing process.

In many cases I have seen people, once they’ve built up the relationship with their body, simply focus on the pain – and I mean really focus in on what it feels like, what it might look like and even ask “what is this trying to tell me/what emotion is stuck in here?”, and the pain fades away.

When we hate something, we get caught up in the justification of feeling that way. We believe we have a right to feel that way because, lets face it, it’s ruining everything! Right? It’s getting in the way!

Positivity

Positive emotions strengthen your body.

And even if the science wasn’t around to prove it, you’d only need to feel into what it’s like when you’re happy and laughing.

It feels good right? Feels like if everyone laughed a bit more the world wouldn’t be so serious, and it would be a better place.

Laughing and positivity is good for you.

The people who I’ve had around me and that I’ve lost through disease and illness, as well as the clients that came to me for a time but

then left because they felt it hadn’t worked for them, all had one thing in common.

There was anger and hatred about what their life was or had become.

They hated where they had come from and what had happened to them.

They hated what they now had to deal with and overcome.

It felt like another blow, like life was plotting against them.

The struggle to find any form of happiness or love in the situations around them kept them from healing.

The one thing I felt that they were all missing was that connection to themselves.

Their ailment was seen as a curse or punishment. They couldn’t see it as an incredible journey of the body, mind, spirit and soul to reconnect and find each other. The ability to deep dive and heal and learn from it wasn’t done.

They ran from it.

When you hate something, you’re essentially running from it. When you’re accepting of it, you’re able to look at it with some objectivity, maybe even eventually some compassion. THAT is how you truly heal.

At its essence – it’s love.

“Positive people also have negative thoughts; they just don’t let those thoughts take over and destroy them”

Love heals

It’s likely that you’ve heard this before: Love heals.

To add onto that: kindness, compassion, forgiveness and understanding – heal.

They all come under the banner of love, but I find it’s worth pointing out.

In order to heal, who do you need to forgive? Who are you angry at?

Who do you need to show kindness to? Is it simply you?

If you are in pain and you want to truly heal then you may have to dive into the rabbit hole of where it comes from.

Your body will direct you if you follow it.

And if, along the way, you’re scared, unsure, or don’t know what to do, then please check out my previous blogs about EFT and how to dive deeper into it.

Check them out here

Sometimes it’s the simple things that can make the biggest difference.

Like planting a garden

I mentioned this in my last blog about healing yourself and healing the world.

An experiment has been done time and time again with your common, every day, household plant.

One plant is hurled with abusive, nasty comments. (Words of hate!)

And the other one is talked to with love and compassion.

The one that is treated with hatred has stunted growth, turns brown and withers – and will eventually die.

But the plant that is treated with kindness, flourishes.

You are no different!

If you hate yourself for all that you are and have become, then you will forever struggle to heal.

However, if you can LOVE yourself for everything that you are right in this moment. Love yourself for everything that you’ve survived through and have endured – and you’re STILL moving forward. If you are a good person who cares, and who is kind and considerate, who can appreciate themselves for doing the best they can with what they’ve got and have been given, THEN you have the ability to heal yourself.

It starts with gratitude and it starts in your heart. Feel it in your heart and let that spread into your mind and your body.

When treated with love, a plant flourishes.

Things you can do to help you love and reconnect to yourself:

The list here is really, endless. The best way to think about this is what makes you happy? What things do you like to do that make you happy and bring a feeling of contentment or satisfaction into your life? What things did you love to do as a child?

I’ve listed a few here that I do regularly as well as some I found on the internet just to get you started.

If you have no idea about what makes you happy then use this as a way to find out. Look at this with a sense of exploration. It’ll be a loving journey back to yourself.

Meditation
Get in touch with nature
Quiet/contemplative time
Writing
Exercising/going for a walk
Reading
Gardening
Painting/drawing
Anything creative!
Watch a funny movie
Coffee with friends that make you laugh

I find anything that brings me to a state of peace helps me to connect to myself on a deeper more intimate level.

Be careful how you talk to yourself

It’s time to look at the language you use around your issues. Are you thanking it for letting know you know something is wrong or are you hating what you feel it’s doing to you?

If you are angry or hateful towards yourself, and it’s not working – why not try a different way?

Because it’s love that’ll heal you.

Need help deep diving into your pain?

Would you like to move past the hate and into a place of love and acceptance?

I’d love to connect.

Contact me

Posted on 09/03/202017/03/2020 by Marie Spencer-Rowland

Diving deeper into your pain

How do you go deeper into your pain using Emotional Freedom Technique?

It’s all about questioning the pain…

Have you been tapping on an issue that has been bothering you for a while now? Perhaps it’s physical pain or maybe you’ve been feeling like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster, so you’ve focused on what’s at the surface?

It’s great if you have! Its a massive step towards taking ownership of what is going inside of us. (And around us!)

But, are you now finding that there is a limit to how far the “tap on what you know” I talked about in my previous blog can take you? (click here). Do you just know there is something deeper that you need to get to?

If you’re stuck and are asking yourself how do I go deeper using Emotional Freedom Technique, the answer is simple:

You have to ask your pain the right questions.

The hardest part about EFT

Being an EFT practitioner is all about guiding people to deep dive into the core of their physical or emotional pain. The only way we can really do that is to get people thinking about and connecting to themselves. YOU have the answers inside of you. You know, on a deeper, hidden level, what has caused the problem. We, as EFT practitioners, are there to help support and guide you through the process of discovery and release. And we do that by asking questions.

Let me give you an example here:

Lets say you have physical pain in your back and you simply start tapping on that pain and it disappears. Great! That was just your body wanting some attention or to make you aware that it wasn’t entirely happy.

But what about when you’re tapping on the pain and nothing changes? The pain and the intensity stay the same.

This is where you have to start asking yourself, and your back pain, questions. (Yes I mean that in the literal sense. You have to talk directly to your back pain like it is an entity or a conscious part of you).

Have a conversation with your pain – like it’s a separate entity.

How do I go deeper into my pain?

Pain isn’t to be feared. Many guru’s and spiritual healers and advisors will tell you to sink into the pain. And it’s true. Facing it and acknowledging it takes courage. But not only will you move through the healing process quicker if you do that, it will also give you an incredible sense of accomplishment, confidence and personal strength. Because now YOU are in control of IT rather than the other way around.

One of the best ways I’ve found of diving deeper is to visually tune into the pain/sensation in your body and describe it in detail. (Remember that our emotions can also cause sensations in the body which is why I’m always asking people “can you feel that anger or sadness in your body?”). Use all of your senses to identify what is happening within you.

A few simple ‘sensory’ questions I’ll ask are:

Does it have a shape to it?
What about a colour?
Is there an outline?
Does it have a texture – thick, misty, light, watery? It can be anything at all.
How big or small is it?
Some people might find it has a smell or a taste.

Give as much detail as you can and also TRUST what comes up for you. You might think what you find is ridiculous, but believe it or not it’ll have a meaning for you as you dig deeper.

Shift your emotional pain: anxiety

So as another example: Lets say you’re feeling anxious and you’ve done a few rounds of tapping on the fact that you’re anxious but it’s just not shifting.

You’ve got to now ask the next stage of questions in order to go deeper.

Find where your anxiousness is within your body. You might have a sensation (big or small) in your chest, stomach, legs, neck, jaw. It could be anywhere. Don’t ignore it – even if it’s a pain or sensation you’ve had for years. Whatever it is you’re feeling physically is what you’re going to link your anxiety to at this next stage.

If you can’t feel anything at all, that’s ok, it just means the connection to the body isn’t strong – which is incredibly common. I find the more you do this work on yourself, the stronger the connection will become. It’s about building up a relationship with your body again.

In the case that you can’t feel anything at all, you can still tune into your body and see if you can locate it visually i.e. where do you imagine it would be when you close your eyes and look inside of yourself.

For the sake of this example let say that you can feel it and you’ve realised your anxiety is in your chest.

Stay tuned into that sensation in your chest and describe what it feels like. It is a tightness, a tension, is it twisting, churning or swirling – however you feel it is exactly right. Don’t doubt yourself.

Now that you’ve pinpointed it in your body, describe what it looks like. (For this exercise I usually tell my clients to close their eyes and take their consciousness into that part of their body and simply have a look around). What do you see when you look at that anxiety in your chest?

What you see isn’t a joke!

To help you feel like you’re not weird (a term generally used by my clients when they first start doing this 🙂 ), here are some strangely

There is no right or wrong to what you see.

beautiful things I have heard over the years about what people see energetically inside their bodies:

needles
peaches
blackness
leaking pipes
a parent
rocks or boulders
worms
sludge
bricks

There is no ‘wrong’ when you’re doing this work on yourself. Always, always, always TRUST what you first see.

Carrying on with the example above: Lets say you can feel the anxiety in your chest and it feels like a tight tension. When you look at it you see a brick that is green in colour and it appears to be heavy and rough.

If there is anything else you notice or feel, you can add that into your tapping sequence, but here you have some key points in order to help you go deeper and connect into what your body is trying to tell you. (Technically – you are still tapping on what you know, it’s just new stuff that you know now! 🙂 ).

A set up statement for the above could go like this: “Even though I have all this anxiety in my chest, and it feels tight, like a green, heavy brick is sitting in my chest. I deeply and completely love and accept myself”.

You can do many variations of that sentence. As long as you’re tuning into what you see and feel (or hear!) – then you’re listening to and acknowledging your body.

That’s stage two!

You can still take that deeper

One of the next things I might do, depending on how the intensity is tracking i.e. is it becoming less or simply staying put, is to ask a question of the image you’re seeing inside of you.

So if we stay with the same example as above – the ‘green, heavy brick full of anxiety in the chest’. Have a conversation with it. Ask the green, heavy brick what message it has for you. What does it need to tell you? What can you do to help it release and feel safe?

Your body knows

Listen to your body. It knows….

This is quite often another stage I’ll add into working with clients trying to heal. Listening to our body is so incredibly important.

Now that doesn’t mean as soon as you feel pain you run for the Panadol. That’s the complete opposite of listening.

What I’m saying is that your body’s pain is more often than not the final stage. It’s the pimple that’s ready to burst. It’s core or roots are buried somewhere deep inside. Because emotions don’t simply dissipate.

However, what I see time and time again is that if you do this work enough and you talk to your body and REALLY tune in and listen when it’s in pain, you’ll eventually not need EFT to move it. Once you’ve mastered the technique of listening to what your body and pain is trying to tell you, all you have to do is say “ok thanks. I hear you and I’m on it”, and it will literally vanish of it’s own accord.

It’s very, very powerful stuff.

Back to your anxiety:

Lets says that this ‘green, heavy brick of anxiety’ says to you “I’m scared to let go”. You can tap on that statement just as it is, as another layer, or you can ask it another question: “What specifically are you scared to let go of?”.

The answer to that is what you’ll add into your tapping sequence and will likely blow the whole thing wide open for you and give you that ‘ah-ha!’ moment.

Just to help you out with the example, lets say the green brick of anxiety is scared to let go because, if it does, it believes you’ll be attacked in some way – that is what you’ll tap on:

“Even though this green brick of anxiety in my chest is scared to let go, because it feels I’ll be attacked if it does, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. (Again, you can do many variations of that sentence but always use the information you’ve been given).

The core of your pain

What are some key questions you can use to find the core of your pain?

The example above does leave room for further exploration. If a part of you feels like it has to be on-guard because it fears being attacked – you have to find where that came from and when it started in order to really help let go of this anxiety wrapped belief you’re holding onto within your body. (The belief being you’ll be attacked in some way).

You may of heard of the basic information gathering questions: ‘who, when, what, why, where and how’?

My preference in 99.9% of cases is to leave out the ‘why’. I can go into more detail in another blog but lets just, for now, say that it’s too ‘open’ a question when you’re trying to get down to specifics. And, if used in the wrong way, asking ‘why’ can actually put you into a victim state i.e. “why is this happening to me?” – which is not going to help you to heal.

Here are some examples of questions you could potentially ask yourself in order to go deeper:

What specifically is causing this pain?
What is this related to?
You can’t heal by being fluffy round the edges
What was I doing when the symptoms or issue started?
What do I need to do to heal from this?
When did this start? (age, year, how long ago?)
When did I first start feeling like this?
Where is this pain be coming from?
Where was I when the problem showed up?
Who does this remind me of?
Who taught me this/caused me to believe this?
How many times did it happen?

Now those are only the tip of the iceberg and depending on what it is you need to clear will depend on the specifics of the question.

These are simply to give you an idea of what you can use in order to help yourself go deeper with EFT.

You need to get to the specifics of what it is you’re feeling if you’re going to release it. We can’t heal if we’re being fluffy round the edges….

In doing this work you are giving your body a voice!

Give your body a voice

Questions, questions, questions

The only way we can get to the core of our issues is to dig.

So be curious. Be open to it not always making sense. The brain can make links with the most random of events and items. (I’m speaking from my own personal experience!).

And always follow and trust what comes up for you when you’re working on yourself. It might seem ridiculous. It might not make a scrap of sense in the beginning, but the more you explore it and dig down, the more the shadows are easier to clear and release.

If you’d still prefer to have someone help you though. Someone to guide you and hold your hand whilst you go through this healing process – please reach out. Asking for help is a huge step which is to be celebrated. You’ll feel better just with that simple first step.

You are braver and stronger than you think.

Interested in getting to the heart of your pain?

I’d love to connect.

Contact me here

Posted on 04/03/202009/03/2020 by Marie Spencer-Rowland

Emotional Freedom Technique for healing

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is an incredible way to heal.

Counselling on steroids

EFT, or Tapping as it is also known, is easy to do. It’s a technique based on ancient Chinese practices but has been proven by modern day science to work.

I liken it to ‘counselling on steroids’ because rather than just talking through a problem in the hope you can find some peace through desensitisation – EFT will release and break the circuit of emotions that you have tied up within that event. That is what is keeping you stuck inside the loop. Your fear, your shock, your shame – your emotional connection to it.

However, Emotional Freedom Technique isn’t just for emotions. You can also use it on physical pain. Migraines, headaches, back pain – you name it, EFT can help where a lot of other treatments have failed.

In the tapping world we have a saying: “Try it and see”.

How do I do it?

So lets jump into the technique of how to do it:

The Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping sequence in 4 easy steps

Step 1: Identify, as specifically as you can, what it is you’re feeling or experiencing.

So, for example, if you have pain in your left knee – perhaps it feels like a sharp stabbing pain, that is the statement you’ll use to do your tapping.

If it’s emotional, try and figure out what that emotion is to you (and it doesn’t have to be exact) but perhaps you’re frustrated or anxious. Sad, angry, annoyed, overwhelmed. Maybe you’re just not sure? Perhaps, you want to make a noise that represents what you’re feeling – a grunt or a ‘humph’ sound. Do that instead!

And to add another layer to that, if you can FEEL something going on within your body, add that into the mix as well. Perhaps your stomach is churning, or your chest is tight. Do a quick body scan to see if your body is trying to tell you something about the emotion you are feeling. (Our body knows more than what we give it credit for!)

The simple rule of thumb that I follow is to tap on what you know. That is: what you’re experiencing right now.

Step 2: Rate that pain or emotion (or both) on a scale of 0 -10. (0 = no pain/feeling good, 10 = maximum pain/emotion). Jot that number down on a piece of paper so you can monitor its intensity as you tap it through.

Step 3: Being tapping.

You start with what is known as the ‘Karate Chop point’ which is the soft fleshy part of your hand underneath your little finger. (Imagine you are doing a karate chop on a piece of wood. The part of your hand that makes contact with the wood is the Karate Chop point).

If you’re right handed, you’ll probably want to use your right hand to tap on your left karate chop point to start with. But you can swap hands at any time throughout this process if you find your arm getting tired or the skin gets sore from the repeated tapping.

Whilst tapping on the side of your hand, you’re going to say one to three versions of a set up statement.

Your set up statement will go something like this:

“Even though I feel really anxious right now, and my chest is tight, I deeply and completely love and accept myself“.

(If you’re dealing with physical pain in your knee, as I’ve mentioned above, you could say: “Even though I have this sharp stabbing pain in my left knee, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”).

Repeat this up to three times OR you can put some variations into your set up statement: E.g. “Even though I feel really anxious right now, and my chest is tight which is making it hard to breath, I deeply and completely love and accept myself”.

“Even though I feel really anxious right now because I don’t know how to handle this situation with my mum, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

All you are doing at this first stage is stating what you know!

Step 4: Now, you’ll tap on the other more central points around the head, face and chest area and say a shortened version of the set-up statements.

In the example we’re using you could simply say “all this anxiousness in my chest” each time you tap on the following points:

The Emotional Freedom Technique tapping points shown on the body.

On top of the head (Use a flat hand to cover a larger area)
Edge or beginning of the eyebrow (where your third eye is situated)
Edge or side of the eye socket (tap on the bone)
Underneath the eye, in the middle (again, tap on the bone)
Underneath the nose (above the top lip)
Crease of the chin (underneath the bottom lip)
Chest point/collarbone (come down approx. 1 inch from the collarbones and form a lose claw shape with your hand)
Underneath the armpit. (Use a flat hand and tap along the bra strap line).

I like to do two full rounds of tapping around these points and then I’ll stop, take a deep breath, and tune into how my pain is now feeling.

If the pain has decreased, for example, it was at an eight of intensity but it now feels like it’s a five, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing to see if I can reduce it further, zero being the target.

If, however, the intensity has gone up, that’s ok too. It doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It simply means there was a lot more pain within your body and energy field than you realised. You’re simply about to open up a channel for it to come out of.

Think of it like a dried up toothpaste tube. There is soft, pliable toothpaste within the tube (your energy) but at the top of the tube a hard cork or blockage has formed. This blockage is keeping all the toothpaste stuck inside. As you push on the tube the soft toothpaste is trying to push the cork out so that it can escape. Your emotions work in a similar way. If you have a blockage or emotional cork keeping everything stuck, you might experience an intensity increase at first. What you’re tapping on is desperately trying to get out and push past the emotional cork.

So keep tapping on it and you’ll feel the intensity start to come down once your energy has found a small hole in which to pass through. Once that happens it’ll take the stagnant energy (blockage) with it.

At the end of the day, all your body wants is to have you recognise and acknowledge your pain. Once you do that, you’re 50% there.

Give your body thanks, whilst tapping, for letting you know that something is wrong and help it to release all the stored up pain it’s been trying to protect you from.

And if you need some added help, here is a video on the what’s, why’s and how’s of Emotional Freedom Technique!

Video link

What if I forget the sequence?

If you do ever forget the tapping sequence, you can simply tap continuously on a single point. The chest point is a very popular tapping point so go straight there if you’re struggling and need to get the energy and emotions moving.

I’ve always been a fan of the point underneath my nose and the crease of my chin. I just want to set up camp there. So I will use just those points if I’m busy or can’t do the full sequence.

Why say “I deeply and completely love and accept myself”?

If you’re doing this for the first time you might laugh or even cry when you say this. Because lets face it – how often do we say to ourselves “I love you”?

It’s rare.

But this is important because its rewiring your brain to feel love and acceptance for yourself no matter your situation. It’s a huge

How often do we say to ourselves “I love you”?

problem in today’s society. We don’t love and accept ourselves for our ‘imperfections’ or mistakes. And quite often, we don’t love ourselves for the things we excel at and love to do either! So this statement will help you to find some peace within yourself. Even when it feels like you’re hanging on by a thread.

To be able to say: “Wow! I’m really not doing well right now, but you know what, that’s ok, I’m human and I can forgive myself for it”, is where you’ll find contentment within yourself.

You might find that at first, you’re just going through the motions of saying “I deeply and completely love and accept myself” even though it doesn’t feel true. That’s ok. Keep saying it, if you can, and it’ll eventually catch up with you.

If you really can’t bring yourself to say it then there are other things you can say instead:

You could try:

“It’s ok and I’m ok”,
“Maybe one day I’ll be able to love and accept myself”,
“I’m a good person”
“I accept myself and want to feel better”
“I’m open to allowing myself to heal now”.

You can make up your own version of what you want to say BUT you must make it positive. This is what helps teach your brain that positivity is the direction you’re going.

That is what EFT is all about. Release the negativity, rewiring our thinking and emotions, to allow in the positive.

It’s the law of attraction at its most fundamental! (But more on this later…)

Please give this a try!

Emotional Freedom Technique can absolutely change your life.

If you’d like more information or you’d really like to give this a go but you aren’t sure you can do it on your own, I am only a phone call away.

Please get in touch. I’d love to go on this healing journey with you.

Contact me here

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